Decentered Doctrine

Chasms

2010-08-27T14:43:00.000-07:00

I found this op-ed piece I wrote in 1999 on my computer and was surprised how true it still sounds. While I think I've progressed some in understanding the peaks to be more illusion than reality, I feel that I have let down some imaginary potential by fostering a devotion to teaching reentry and community college students. That's OK. I often feel that the little hill is actually a lot better than the big hill might turn out to be. I especially like the way I idolize my sisters in this piece. :-) Kudos to them!

Lost in the Chasms

Surely the category I fill in our intellectually stratified, social sub-megalopolis falls somewhere in the Caucasian, white-collar, upper middle class, which dominates the majority of well paying positions in the South Bay and most of the country. Contemplating this truth at home and in the academy, I am somehow discomforted by the fact that my job search will be easier than others’--that my personal experiences of loss and anguish, of struggle and achievement somehow squish into a category which allows for success based on statistics rather than case. I learn that it has been easier for me than others. And yet all this fails to console me.
Grappling with the questions of identity, with striving to forge some life fulfilling career while meeting the expectations of family and community hardly seems simple in my late twenties, pre-mid-life crisis. It leads me to look around and wonder if anyone really feels that they fill the paragon they portray.
I consider my sisters, both perfect Redondo Union products, to fill the type of model roles of which I speak. Cathy is a Mother, with a capital M. Her devotion and strength form a pillar that literally holds up the intricate workings of her beautiful household. Laura Shlessinger and Martha Stewart have nothing on her. And Elizabeth is a successful businesswoman. She sells insurance and can accomplish any goal she sets, and has. If any of us ever needs anything negotiated, she can get it done. I’ve known, ever since I found inspirational, success oriented placards on her apartment walls when she was 21, that she would go as far as she chose. And yet I know she has trouble deciding how far that should be. And that Cathy agonizes over her own commitments. It all makes me wonder.
In a world where goals can be so clearly defined and achieved, am I the only one feeling lost in the chasms between the peaks on which rest these well defined goals? In the way poetry commands beautiful descriptions yet continually falls short of capturing the majesty of nature, I feel my life is like a poem. With a little bit of playful alliteration, shocking vocabulary and daring ingenuity thrown into a conservative meter and regular but scant rhyme scheme, I plod along—not really capturing any heights, but running up a hill or two.
I believe now that those categorical peaks on which political and philosophical debate dance are mirages of the endless groups of hills that make up the individual realities we all experience. And yet I feel lost between them, something un-grand, unnamed in the statistical analysis of market demographics, and unrepresented in the partisan politics which rule our nation. I am making it a personal goal to get to know this little hill I walk on, to cultivate it, and to find that hour of sunlight that darts between those mysterious mountain tops and warms the turf which, without comparison, seems to satisfy me.

Catie's First Birthday!

2009-05-18T01:19:00.001-07:00

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Refrigerator Attack

2009-04-12T00:35:00.000-07:00

Every time I open the Refrigerator, she comes running! The old birdcage...this is the site of not one, but two bloody bites from the Chester...whom she still loves enough to have chosen his name for her first word! And since she can eat solid food now, she sometimes shares with him!

So Much, So Big!

2009-04-12T00:06:00.001-07:00

I'm not sure there is much to say. My smiling child is the joy of my life. Here she is, already 10 months old and 21 pounds! Her hair is stright in front and curly in the back. Keeping her and my husband smiling is the meaning of my life now. I've finished my PhD comprehensive exams with the help of my husband and mother. She came out and watched Catie for three weeks while I studied. I never would have passed without her.

Life has seemed a blur since then. We took a fabulous trip to the Dominican Republic with my friends Laura and Phil and several of their friends for their 10th wedding anniversary. I can hardly believe it has been 10 years since their wedding convinced me I needed to move to Maryland.

Here is our Easter 2009 Photo. What a Cutie!

Here are our girls, Maddie, Samantha and Catie...Lizzie's Angels and mine.

I can't believe this was Christmas! It was only three months ago and Catie has grown so much! Post Partum Depression was rough throughout the summer. But, 40 lbs and 2 passed exams later I am ready to start working on getting back in shape, physically and psychologically.

So, there you go! A whirlwind catch-up.

Catie wears a hat

2008-07-28T20:00:00.000-07:00

Gaining Weight!

2008-07-28T17:56:00.000-07:00

I've only been in LA for a week and three days, and Catie has gained 1.75 lbs! She now weighs 12.1 lbs. Wow! I'll post some more videos for everyone to see :-) We are having such a great time with all the grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins.

Almost a Smile!

2008-06-27T18:15:00.000-07:00

She almost smiled for the camera.

Short Video of Catie

2008-06-16T15:53:00.000-07:00

This is a little video of Catie I took today. I wanted you all to see what I watch all the time!

Catherine Elizabeth Seagrave

2008-06-16T15:05:00.000-07:00

I thought I had a lot to report last time I wrote. This time, I've had a baby!

I never could have known how much I would love this little bundle, or how much time could be taken up just staring at her little face. When I look at her everything else seems to fade away.

It was 6:30 am Friday morning when I assumed I was in intestinal distress due to too much sushi Thursday night. Funny though, the pains seemed to be very regular, about 2.5 minutes apart! I went back to bed hoping it would just go away. But it only seemed to get worse, and more regular. Hmmm.

I called my parents who were staying close by. My mom encouraged me to get to the hospital. I thought it might be better to wait a few hours. Thelabor and delivery nurse seemed to agree that I should wait at least an hour before calling back. By then, the phone had rung at least four times--both sisters calling!

At 10am, fater packing and calling the hospital, Mom, Dad, Patrick and I climbed in the car and went to St. Mark's, me having contractions every 2-3 minutes the whole way.

Patrick was so supportive, holding me through the contractions and helping me feel comfortable.

Our tirp was cut short when the nurse told me I was only 1 cm dilated, and that my contractions were not strong enough to be real labor. It would seem that I was not really in labor yet, and she suggested I either take a bath and try to relax it away, or walk around and do squats to try to bring labor on. (incidentally, this advice cost my insurance company $500). It turned out I didn't need to do either. We went to breakfast at Mimi's instead, and I continued to have even stronger contractions 2-3 minutes apart until I just couldn't sit there anymore and Patrick took me home. There the contractions continued to get stronger until finally we went back to the hostpital at about 5:30 PM. We didn't take pictures this time. After 11 hours of labor, I was now shaking pretty hard through them and was in no mood for ceremony. This time we parked at the door and were led to a room on entry.

My first words to the nurse were: "I don't want to do natural childbirth anymore." I'd had enough nature. Unfortunately the anesthesiologist had just gone into a c-section and we waited until 7:45 pm for the epicdural By that time the monitor showed my contractions, still 2 minutes apart, were at the top of the scale and I was dilated 6 cm, so I don't mind thinking I have a pretty good idea of what childbirth feels like. The epidural was great. Patrick and I called a few peope, I took a nap, Patrick had dinner, and we watched Ella Enchanted while I labored peacefully.

At 1:00 am it was time to push. I was doing pretty well, but Catie wasn't budging and her heartrate seemed irradic. The doctor scared me by talking baout c-sections and foreceps. Maybe his plan was to scare me into pushing harder, because after that everything seemed to move much more smoothly...until we noticed about 2:00 that the epidural bag was empty!

So we continued on, hoping she'd come out before the drugs wore off. At 3 am it appeared that the drugs were pretty well worn off and the anestheiologist was busy. Everyone says I pushed really well. Patrick was a great Coach and Alicia (my nurse) was very encouraging, and Dianat he midwife did a great job keeping me pushing throught he end of each contraction. Only a small episiotomy was necessary. The epidural was finally refilled at 3:15, just minutes before Catie squeezed into the world all pink and beautiful. Patrick quickly cut the cord as the NICU team whisked her away to sucktion her lungs and I waited the longest 10 minutes of my life, being stiched up as I watched my baby on the other side of the room.

Finally patrick carried her back to me and I got to hold her for the first time. It was love at first sight.

Catching Up

2007-12-10T11:24:00.000-08:00

Whew! Well, I got married, helped my husband move in, got the thank you notes out, met my deadline for my two Fall articles, got pregnant, had morning sickness for three months, and failed to acheive the advanced proficientcy on the French translation exam for the second time...all since I wrote last!

Things have been pretty crazy around here, to say the least. My biggest acheivement this semester has been fixing 150 wedding photos in photoshop and getting them inot books for my relatives. I have posted some below. Enjoy!

To Brie or Not to Brie...Part 2

2007-08-02T09:20:00.000-07:00

To Brie or Not To Brie…Part 2
By Jennifer Large Seagrave, Wine and Cheese Reviewer

Reprinted from Relationships in the City, August, 2007

Last month I promised to follow up my article on brie with one on delicious alternatives to that very popular cheese choice. Often, though I like the simple earthy, milky flavor of double crème brie, I want to present something a little different to my friends. When I want a great cheese in Salt Lake City, and I want to try it before I buy it and to know that a knowledgeable service person will be there to help me, I always go to Liberty Heights Fresh on 11th East and 13th South.

That’s exactly what I did as I was preparing to write this article. My favorite cheese monger, Antonia Horne, helped me make three exciting cheese selections. I grabbed some anise-flavored flat bread, dried figs, a few olives, an apple and a bottle of Mondavi Zinfandel, and ran over to my friend Juliane’s house for a tasting extravaganza.

We started with L’Edel de Cleron, a lightly washed rind cheese that looks and feels a lot like brie, but is wrapped with a strip of bark and made with a mountain recipe similar to a wonderful raw-milk cheese known as vacherin (small cheese). L’Edel is often called “faux vacherin” because its recipe is similar to that of Vacherin Mont D’Or, but the pasteurization of its milk not only allows it to be sold in the US, but also makes its flavor a little less intense than a true vacherin, which is generally reddish in color, taller and smaller than a wheel of L’Edel, and whose center ripens into a runny ooze perfect for dipping and pouring over fruit and bread.

When I was cheese buyer at The Pasta Shop in Berkeley, CA, I had the opportunity to sell Vacherin Mont D’Or and I can say with certainty that no L’Edel de Cleron I have ever seen or tasted was as pungent, runny, or spectacular as the Vacherin. However, I can say that it makes a great substitute for brie if you are looking for something a little different.

The bark wrapped around its rind, sometimes reported as spruce, sometimes red pine or fruitwood, lends an earthy flavor to the cheese. The center is often very soft and creamy, though I haven’t seen it runny. A mushroomy flavor develops as it ages, and a slightly tannic bitterness provides a counterpoint to the rich cream. I paid about $7 for a good sized wedge of this cheese. It was best with a few garlic stuffed green olives.

The next cheese we got into was another soft, washed-rind cheese, this one made closer to home in Fort Collins, Colorado. It is called ColoRouge, by MouCo Cheese, and while it has certain characteristics similar to French muenster and Livarot, it is an American original. Awarded Best Washed-Rind Cheese by the American Cheese Society in 2004, it is a unique treat not to be missed.

Slightly bitter, with a hint of the pungent barnyard, the reddish colored cheese is molded into a small disc and packaged in a special breathable foil wrapper. The hand-ladled rounds are “smeared,” or rubbed, during a two-week aging process in order to help them develop their red color and distinctive flavor. I chose a particularly young disc, though more aged ones are also very good—softer, maybe even runny, with stronger earth and mushroom flavors.

I tasted butter and cheddar flavors when we tried this straight up with green apple slices. It would go great with just about any picnic food, and the wrapping makes it easy to tote and spread. At $6, I felt like it was a great deal.

Finally, Juliane and I opened the plastic container holding our La Tur. Made in Italy's Piemonte region, in a dairy near Alba, La Tur has been the talk of American cheese circles for at least eight years, and rightly so. It is out of this world.

The creamy, ivory-colored cheese has a thin, natural rind, and comes in a tissue-thin paper cup, sometimes inside a plastic container that holds any juices that run off of it. The texture of even a young La Tur, aged just ten days at the dairy, is similar to triple-crème brie: amazingly supple and velvety.

Made from a mixture of lightly pasteurized sheep, cow and goat’s milk, La Tur’s flavor is more complex and pronounced than the other recommendations I have made. Spread on flatbread and served with calimyrna figs and our red zinfandel, it was outstanding.

This selection is not for the faint of heart, as its aroma definitely will fill your car and kitchen. I keep my left-overs in the plastic container it comes in, in a paper bag, in a Ziploc bag, in my cheese drawer, and I can still smell it when I open the refrigerator door. However, as most aromatic cheeses, its odor is much stronger than its taste. The crème fraiche, herb and mushroom flavors are clean on the palate and leave a long lasting, buttery finish.

At about $10 per cup, these little cheeses make a memorable addition to any creative tasting or party. Your guests will definitely remember La Tur.

You can find out more about MouCo cheeses and Liberty Heights Fresh on their websites at http://www.mouco.com/ and http://www.libertyheightsfresh.com/. If you have any cheese or wine questions or suggestions, please email me, Jennifer Large Seagrave, Wine and Cheese Reviewer, at jenn.large@utah.edu. Happy Tasting!

Living on The Edge

2007-06-28T02:18:00.000-07:00

Living on The Edge
By The Attraction Specialist, Jennifer Large Seagrave

Reprinted from Relationships in the City, July 2007

Last Friday night, my friend Kirsten and I sat silently in darkness, a small fire burning in the pit a few feet from an uncovered sweat lodge surrounded by yucca and sage brush, watching a wispy cloud bank alternately cover and reveal night’s blanket of stars over The Edge Retreat near Fruitland, Utah. Evening had darkened the unnamed valley so filled with green cottonwood and reed grass in the afternoon’s light, and sheer sandstone cliffs riddled with dark creases and crumbling with age still stood silhouetted against the indigo horizon. It was nearly eleven on a moonless night, the call of restless crickets competing with snapping flames.

Crickets are really not an anomaly, but growing up in L.A. and now living in the heart of Salt Lake City, I had forgotten about them. And that seems to be at least a little of what this place is all about: remembering the calm that gets lost in rush hour traffic, supermarket lines and day planners scribbled with to do lists and appointments. The dragonfly-adorned welcome sign outside its entryway reads: “The Edge…you can relax now.” And you really have no choice. If the quiet and beauty of the place doesn’t demand it, the hot tub does.

After a lovely two-hour drive past mountains, meadows and reservoirs and animated by an Amanda Quick romance-on-tape, Kirsten and I arrived about an hour before sunset. We let ourselves into the huge retreat kitchen, where guests store their own food and prepare meals. Gleaned from a friend’s remodel, the rose granite countertops and Sub-Zero refrigerator found their way to The Edge as if by fate, the way all things seem to come home here.

When we talked with owners Suzanne Sullivan and Chris Lang later, while sipping wine on a sun drenched veranda, Suzanne admitted, “I came out here in a Lexus and high heels. When I got here, it was as much a mess as I was, all sage brush and dirt…a little ghost house, sitting up here on the edge of a cliff.” Taking a huge leap of faith and leaving her posh Wilshire condo downtown, Suzanne moved up to the quirky old house in need of a huge amount of work…both her and the house! “I was so messed up, I thought I could do it.” And, little by little, money found its way to the retreat’s coffer, craftsmen found their way to building a bunk house, bath house and guest rooms, and many visitors found peace and solace in its hospitality.

After greeting us, Suzanne showed us around her little piece of paradise. From the architecture to the arrangement of buildings, the place seems to invite a sort of communal unity in both obvious and subtle ways. While the welcome gong in the meeting room lets out a low, pervading call to congregate, the bunkhouses’ two ten-bunk rooms hold workers, friends and retreat mates together in undeniably close quarters.
The Star and Moon Houses hold bedrooms of rustic beauty, but no bathrooms, calling for communal use of the bathhouse. If this sounds like a hardship, think again. This bathhouse holds every comfort and amenity a group could ask for including three shower rooms with pine-lined showers, three water closets and four porcelain pedestal sinks. It is a hexagonal work of architectural mastery, with all the modern luxuries and conveniences.

We stayed in the Sunrise Room, one of two modern guest rooms above the bathhouse, boasting full east-facing windows that certainly did let in the morning light, thankfully delayed a little by high valley walls. After our soak in the hot tub and fire under the stars, Kirsten made use of the deep bath in the Sunset room on the west side of the house while I tried out the showers downstairs. I’ve never used a shower with a head mounted seven feet up; water fell on my hair as if from the sky.

The beauty of The Edge Retreat is hard to describe. I’m not entirely certain the flowers and wood, houses and views comprise it. The humming birds are part of it, and Suzanne herself, who leads a Course in Miracles women’s retreat four times a year together with her teaching partner Sue Borg. But there is also an undeniable, lingering je ne sais quoi about the property that commands peace and completes its beauty. It’s an ethereal magic that hangs about the place, and brings out the part of you that recognizes it. “When I came here I focused on healing my own life,” Suzanne says. “This is all a manifestation. The retreat is within.”

And now she is ready to move on down the road, literally. Looking for the appropriate buyer for the womb in which her life changed and developed, Suzanne plans to move into a smaller cabin a couple of miles away. She hopes The Edge will remain a retreat for those seeking peace and closer relationships with one another. I left there feeling closer to the inner calm I had just about forgotten I had.

You can find out more about The Edge Retreat and its events and amenities on their website at http://www.theedgeretreat.com/.
The Edge Retreat
Email: info@theedgeretreat.comDirect: 435.548.2479Fruitland, Utah

Jennifer currently writes the monthly Attraction Specialist and Wine and Cheese Review articles for Relationships in the City, while pursuing a doctorate in literature. She teaches writing and literature at the University of Utah and University of Phoenix. With ten years of experience in the gourmet food industry and forays into a multitude of religions, her experiences have led her to become a connoisseur of both inner and outer attractions.

To Brie or Not to Brie...Part 1

2007-06-28T02:07:00.000-07:00

To Brie Or Not To Brie…Part 1

Reprinted from Relationships in the City, July 2007

Since last month’s Relationships in the City article on “How to Give a Wine and Cheese Party” got you all excited about cheese, I thought it apropos that this month the wine and cheese reviewer should say a little something about cheese. Often, when invited to a get together, even a game night at my friends’ house, I know the hostess will have a bottle of something, and I feel the need to contribute to the party. More often than not, some cheese and a French baguette or seeded flatbread is what I choose.

Frequently the cheese choice we all make when called upon to produce in this fashion is a creamy wedge of brie. But do we buy it because we don’t know what else to bring? We want to be sophisticated, but we want to like what we bring. Brie seems an obvious choice.

Whichever supermarket you frequent, from Smith’s to Costco, Wild Oats to Liberty Heights Fresh, it will have a wedge of brie, and it will most likely cost between $5.99 and $13.99 a pound. Costco describes its basic selection on its website this way: “Margaux de Brie is a 60% double cream soft-ripened cheese.” I wonder how many of us really know what that means. Read on and you will be one of the few.

Reading a cheese label is a little like reading a wine label, especially if the cheese is French. Cheeses in France are regionally regulated like wines, and their labels usually tell where they are made, the official variety name, and what kind of animal their milk derives from (I often find a little picture of a cow, sheep, or goat does the trick for them). When sold in the US, labels also feature an ingredient list consisting of the type of milk used in the making, along with rennet (which curds the milk), cultures (which grow the rind and keep the cheese aging properly), salt and occasionally color.

While this all seems straightforward to us label readers here in the US, the fact that most of us aren’t familiar with French cheese regions, and that nearly all cheese is made with the same four ingredients, makes these labels somewhat unhelpful when it comes to knowing what a cheese will taste like…so you will just have to taste and remember.

A standard double cream (or double crème) brie is a cheese made from whole cow’s milk with enough cream added to bring the butterfat content by dry weight (if you dehydrated it) to 60%. Rather than trying to figure out something rational about this number, the best way to know what 60% butterfat by dry weight feels like in your mouth is to taste some, and remember it. It should feel creamy with a tiny bit of a pungent and earthy flavors. Double crème brie hosts a classic balance of buttery richness and mild flavors; hence its ubiquitous appeal.

A single crème brie, most often Brie de Meaux in the US, is a more flavorful, sophisticated variety of soft-ripened cheese. All brie is soft-ripened--that means the cheese not only has cultures added to the mix when it is curded, but it has a culture patted onto its disk-shaped outside as well. As the bloom (the white, fluffy stuff on the rind) grows, the interior of the cheese becomes softer and more flavorful. Brie de Meaux will taste enough like what you and your friends will expect, but with a little less richness and a little more flavor or grass, straw and mushrooms. At 52% butterfat by dry weight, its lighter texture is more springy than your run-of-the-mill double crème, such as the ever present President or Costco’s Margaux. And because it is made in smaller, artisan production, it costs closer to $15 a pound than a double crème.

If you linger in Costco, or make it to Liberty Height’s Fresh, Wild Oats or another cheesy establishment, you will most likely find a “triple crème brie.” This is an outstanding choice if you know your friends like rich, sultry, buttery, and full flavored cheeses. Triple crèmes have enough added cream to bring their butterfat content to 72 or even 75%. The extra fat makes the cheese ripen to a much softer, even runny consistency.

The bloom on this cheese should be even more fluffy and fresh looking than on other bries. I say this because the fat content of the paste conducts the strong flavors of the rind much more thoroughly than regular brie. St. Andre, Pierre Robert, Brillat Savarin, and Explorateur regularly develop a very strong, even spicy flavor as they age. A tiny bit of ammonia on the rind (which naturally develops in all brie and marks its age as passing) becomes prominent in a triple crème when it gets a little too old.

Belletoille, although a real triple crème, hardly develops differently than a double crème, so I don’t like to waste the fat calories on it. However, it usually sells for about $12 a pound, while the other varieties I named run between $18 and $24. The one cherished cheese secret I’ve learned recently is that Costco carries a Delice de Borgogne triple crème for about $10 a pound…and it’s wonderful.

So next time you go for a piece of brie to take to that wine and cheese party you were invited to, know what you are reaching for. And tune in next month when I’ll write about some even more tantalizing, alternative selections that will knock your friends’ sock off. Until then, eat well.

Jennifer Large Seagrave worked in the gourmet food industry for ten years, including several years as a cheese buyer and consultant at such California establishments as Mrs. Gooch’s, Whole Foods Market, Wally’s Liquor, and The Pasta Shop. She is now pursuing a PhD in literature at the University of Utah.

Sake, Oregon Style

2007-05-28T22:22:00.000-07:00

From Relationships in the City, June 2007

Sushi Maru…or Sake Maru? A Wine List Sure to Please!
By Jennifer Large Seagrave, Wine and Cheese Reviewer

When Michael Aguilar Okumura opened Sushi Maru after a decade and a half of running restaurants for other people, he decided to include a full menu of wines, beers and premium sake. What a great decision! While Wendy, Relationships in the City’s food editor, and I watched sushi chef Jimmy prepare our lunch last week, Molly brought around a flight of Momokawa Oregon sake for us to taste.

We had five Momokawa premium rice wines and a Gekkeikan hot sake. We tasted them before our food came. My favorite was the Silver, a crisp, dry sake with clean floral notes. This was the lightest bodied of the premium rice wines we tried. Whereas non-premium grade sakes (futsu) are made with grains of rice that are milled to 75% or less of the whole grain, the rice used in premium sake, or ginjo, is milled to just 60% or less. This leaves mainly the rich, starchy centers, and the cleanest, smoothest flavor in the final product.

We also tasted the Diamond and Ruby Momokawa, which were fuller and richer. The Diamond is off dry and the Ruby is slightly sweet. Residual sugar in rice wine gives it a fuller mouth feel and richer flavor, so the Diamond and Ruby were big wines, with mushroom, herbal and straw flavors. Their layered finishes were wonderful—a treat for fans of Australian reds and white Burgundy. With food, the sweeter sakes soften a little and after a few blistered green beans, the Diamond became my new favorite. The hot sake, by Gekkeikan (Japan) had a good balance and backbone, much better than many tarter versions I’ve tried.

Finally, I tried the Momokawa Pearl. A beautiful, shimmering white color, the unfiltered sweet sake was soft and smooth with overtones of melon and apple. At 18% alcohol (where the others were 14.8%), the Pearl is no chic drink. It may be soft and sweet, but it packs a punch with about the same alcohol content as a ruby port. With the Double Dank Lobster Bake, a special similar to the daily Zen Bake made with shrimp, the Pearl was a velvety, sweet blanket covering our tongues, mixing with the teriyaki and soy glaze on rich and crunchy lobster to absolute perfection. It was the perfect end to a wonderful meal.

Maru Sushi’s wine list doesn’t only include sakes. It provides a range of California Chardonnay, an Oregon Pinot Gris, and Bonney Doon Reisling. With California reds, four Japanese sakes and eight beers, the list is sure to please a wide range of tastes—and the food is spectacular. I went home very happy about my drive up to Park City!

Sushi Maru, 1776 Park AvePark City, UT 84060(435) 615-8862

Pole Dancing?

2007-05-20T14:42:00.000-07:00

Fron Relationships in the City, June, 2007

Confronting the Pole:
A Mountain You Can Climb A Million Different Ways
By the Attraction Specialist, Jennifer Large Seagrave

When Relationships in the City editor, Kathy Lee, asked me if I would be willing to take a pole dancing class, I honestly thought she was kidding. People who know me will agree that I am not petite in any sense of the word, and I couldn’t imagine myself doing…well, whatever it was I couldn’t imagine me doing. I never guessed that in just a few days I’d be flying (and falling) around a pole securely attached to the floor and ceiling of Utah Arts Alliance! I didn’t know what to expect from The Goddess Arts Academy class, and I was wonderfully surprised. What a workout, and what a revelation.

In my gym clothes, confronted with a twelve-foot, spinning silver pole, I was suddenly more anxious about my ability to hold up my own body weight than my ability to be sexy—and I am proud to report that I left that day feeling I had done both. My sense of accomplishment was due largely to the eloquence and inspiration of Nicole Devaney, founder of Goddess Arts Academy, and Hazel, pole dancing instructor extraordinaire.

A ten-year veteran of exotic dancing, Devaney is an expert pole dancer. She and Hazel floated up and around those poles like butterflies. They were truly beautiful, and I was impressed with their athletic prowess. The two other new students in the class seemed just as amazed as I was. The fact that there were other beginners there made me feel safe trying the moves, which were difficult, but doable. We learned “the fireman” first: something like grabbing way up on the pole, circling and sliding slowly down, one leg wrapped around it. The first few times I tried I really couldn’t hold myself up, but after a few minutes of practicing, I got a little (a very little) better.

A half an hour later we had learned five basic moves, including a couple that did not include our feet leaving the floor. Although the moves don’t necessarily involve stripping, the pole is inextricably related to exotic dance, so Devaney and Hazel showed us some moves to help us express the sensuality that naturally flows through the female body—the kind that you won’t learn in your health club jazz class. We laughed a lot and had time to practice our own combinations of moves on and around the poles. We learned that pole dancing is not about memorizing steps in succession—it’s about putting them together however the spirit moves you. They say the pole is a mountain you can climb a million different ways, and one woman’s way will never be the same as the next.

By the time we’d been dancing for forty minutes I was exhausted—it seemed like I should have been able to work out longer, but my body was telling me that I needed to stop, and the other girls seemed tired as well. I really felt like I had done a pretty good job at something I never even thought I’d try. I think it brought out a kind of energy I forgot was inside me.

When we were done, Devaney agreed to sit down and talk with me about her philosophy and her company, the Goddess Arts Academy. The enthusiasm of spirit that Devaney emits when she speaks of her work inspired awe, recognition, and even a little desire in me. I was amazed by her love of teaching and of empowering women—her philosophy is one of engendering supportive love between women. Her sensuality and assurance reminded me of my own confidence in adolescence, and the sexy feelings I still have that long for expression. She made me feel a world of possibilities I hadn’t considered in a long, long time, and what seemed even more impressive was the uncanny sense I had that she is just like this all the time; she’ll make you feel this way, too.

The Goddess Arts Academy isn’t just about the pole, though it does comprise the centerpiece of many of their productions—strip tease and pole dancing classes, bachelorette and Goddess pole parties are just the beginning. Devaney leads a series of classes called The Goddess Cornerstone Series crafted to help women invoke, embody, worship and be the goddess they carry inside. Intended to inspire self esteem and confidence, this series is not so much about being sexy as it is about getting to know those feminine abilities, inside and out, that no one taught us in school.

The Make Love to Your God class also sounded interesting to me, seeing as how I’m getting married in July. I don’t think I’ll go into what that class is about in this article, but let’s just say it might enhance the honeymoon. You can learn more about all the classes, parties and open pole opportunities offered by The Goddess Arts Academy on their really cool website at http://www.goddessacademy.com/. The homepage sets the tone for the site with spiritual music and a dancing Goddess with shining chakras.

The site’s frequently asked questions page is very frank. To the question: “Does it hurt to learn how to pole dance?” Goddess Arts answers, “Yes, depending on how hard you push yourself. The pain & soreness you feel in your muscles is caused by new tissue growth which in turn makes you stronger, leaner and sexier.” I can attest to the sheer honesty of this response. I wanted to feel good about my effort in the pole dancing class, so I pushed myself hard. And I still hurt five days later…but somehow I feel it was worth it.

Whether it’s a father’s day gift to your kids’ daddy or just a treat for that special someone in your life, learning to get in touch with your inner Goddess is a great idea, and the wonderful women of The Goddess Arts Academy can help. Bring out your inner goddess—go climb a pole. Hare Hare.

Londsberry Family Values

2007-03-07T09:53:00.000-08:00

I love listening to Coast to Coast with George Noory. Ghosts, time travel, aliens...It really gives me a boost before I fall asleep. So, I set my radio alarm clock to AM 570 and put the snooze on for 20 minutes every night. I also set the radio alarm to wake me up at 7:30 am, smack in the middle of the Bob Londsberry show on KNRS, Family Values talk radio (I guess the family values part ends at 10:00, as I hardly understand how talk of aliens, ghosts and conspiracies fits into the FV theme).

Over the last three years I have ended up hearing Londsberry just about every morning. And, as a rhetorician, I have come to some conclusions about his need to excuse his own statements.

Bob Londsberry would not have to keep saying, over and over, every morning, "I don't mean to be insulting...," and "I don't want to be rude...," if he were not so insulting and rude. Also, he would not have to say, over and over, "Alright, I'll stop going on and on..." and "OK, I'll get off my high horse now..." if he did not go on and on so self righteously and offensively.

In the end, I think the "Family Value" that audiences learn, wittingly or not, from Bob Londsberry is that it is alright to self-righteously say insulting, rude and offensive things for as long as one wants as long as one uses rhetorical hedges to absolve and excuse himself. Unfortunately, it seems his largely Utahn LDS audience agrees, as his callers tend to congratulate his outspoken self-righteousness.

Last year I deprived myself for several months of Coast to Coast in an effort to prevent the anger Londsberry inspires in me when I wake up in the morning. This was spurred by his using an extended metaphor to talk about homosexuality in Utah. He compared gay people to rats coming out in an unkempt barn, and then, characteristically, claimed "I don't mean to compare anyone to an animal..." But, of course, that is exactly what he did.

After a couple of months back on my Coast to Coast bedtime ritual, and resulting months of morning frustration, I have decided to invest in another clock radio. That way I can be delighted at night, and wake up to KCRW and a fair day rather than hedged insults on the Family Values station.

12-12-07

2006-12-13T15:54:00.000-08:00

This is not a cheesy scene from a new screenplay. It didn't happen in a galaxy far, far away. It's real life.

Last night at the Century 16...where Patrick and I met by chance, in the middle of the night, in a floor level row of seats for Star Wars Episode III...

We saw The Holiday.

We cuddled under Patrick's big black coat.

And when the movie closed with tears and happy endings, Patrick pulled a little something out of his pocket, opened it and asked me, "Jennifer, will you marry me?"

Not seeing the box, I was so surprised, I just hugged him, laughed and said, "You know what?...Are you serious?"

"Didn't you see the ring?"

I looked down and saw what immediately and impulsively appeared to me to be the most beautiful ring I'd ever seen in my life. Then he got down on one knee, holding out the box, and said, again, "Jennifer will you marry me?"

And I cried and laughed, "Of course I will," and hugged and kissed him...for a long time. And he put the ring on my finger.

The other guests left the theater and we sat there, happy, laughing, crying, and very, very excited as the reality sunk in.

All the way home we smiled and laughed about the new moments , the first moments of the rest of our lives. And we screamed a chorus of, "Hey, you're my Fiancée!" "No, you're my Fiancé!"

And we're in love. And it's great.

Holiday Sweet Potato Salad

2006-12-09T12:34:00.000-08:00

Holiday Sweet Potato Salad

I made this for a BBQ the other day and I thought it was great. It's not for those who don't like to be in the kitchen, but it is delicious and has very little fat (about 10 grams in the whole dish!).

2 good sized yams (about 4 cups cubed)
2 medium beets (about a cup diced)
1 Tbsp butter, melted
1/2 small sweet yellow onion (like Vidalia), thinly sliced
1 Tbsp sugar
1/3 C filberts
1/2 C canned pineapple chunks
1/4 C orange zest
1/4 C chopped crystallized ginger
1/4 C pineapple juice (from canned pineapple)
1 tsp lime juice
1/2 tsp seasoned rice vinegar
1/2 tsp hot pepper oil (like MMongolian fire oil)
1/8 tsp ground clove

Preheat oven to 375
Peel and cube the yams in 3/4 inch cubes.
Peel and dice the beets in 1/4 inch cubes.
Spread the yams and beets out on a cookie sheet and brush with melted butter.
place the cookie sheet in the oven and roast for 35-40 minutes, stirring once or twice toward the end. Make sure you do not roast too long or yams will be mushy.
While the yams and beets are roasting, caramelize the onion in a large oil-sprayed skillet by sauteing them over low heat for about 30 minutes. As the onions start to brown, add sugar. Continue to cook over low heat until the onions are brown and sweet.
Allow the yams, beets and onions to cool.
Toast the filberts in a heavy skillet over medium heat until they are browned and very fragrant. Chop and allow to cool.
Toss all ingredients in a bowl--the yams, beets, onions, filberts, and all remaining ingredients.
Serve cold or warm.

Morning Madness

2006-12-06T10:40:00.000-08:00

Recurring Dreams:

This morning I had a dream much like one of the recurring stress dreams I have had since I was 19. I was in a restaurant, waitressing on my first day of work, and had been given no training. It was a small place in a highway side place, somewhere in the middle of nowhere--and I think it was oddly morphed with a hair salon. As I watched the guy on the motorcycle outside the restaurant, I noticed that he was Val Kilmer, in disguise. He had a group of people with him, one of whom turned out to be Angelina Jolie. She came in and ordered an odd breakfast:

Vegetables, vitamins, and chocolate pudding. As I milled around the kitchen looking for gourmet vitamin capsules, I woke up to NPR.

Capit*a*l Christmas Tree:

Unfortunately, the story I awoke to was not stranger than the one in my dream. It was about this year's US Capitol Christmas Tree, a gift from the State of Washington: a majestic 65 foot Silver Fur.

The story narrated the difficult process of cutting, catching and transporting the tree--even ventured into cosmetic surgery for the decoration...

And all for the bargain price of a quarter of a million dollars. Yes, that's right. $250,000. How ridiculous can we possibly be? Well, the NPR reporter assures us, this is actually a bargain seeing as last year's tree cost a cool million. That's $1,000,000 in case you didn't catch that.

Reminds me of an A.L. Webber song: "Try not to get worried, try not to turn onto problems that upset you, oh...everything's alright, yes, everything's fine." Only this time the oil is not for Christ; we are anointing ourselves. I mean, the poor will always be with us, so why not?

Let them eat cake.

Incidentally, I missed the press conference in which Laura Bush unveiled the artwork for the White House Christmas invitations this week.

Admonishment

2006-10-22T12:42:00.000-07:00

I've been admonished for treating my blog like a website. I have been accused of only posting recipes. Yesterday at the Western States Rhetoric and Literacy Conference I read a PowerPoint slide that said "Blogging is about Conversations."

Ok. Guilty as charged. I mainly post recipes here so that I can say to my family--"Oh, you can find the recipe on my blog"--so that I don't have to type them up and email them to every person who asks, "Can I get the recipe for this?"

Sometimes I feel like I spend so much time thinking about work, which means thinking about writing and pedagogy and reading and grading papers and defending the F I gave to a student with a 6th grade vocabulary and 3rd grade spelling skills, and getting published, and going to conferences, and buying plane tickets that I just don't have time to think of witty wordsmithing for my blog. In fact, I guess I use my blog for recording something I don't really have to think that much about--cooking.

Of course, for some reason, my recipes never work out when I make them at home for my parents. I swear to this day they have never had a meal prepared by me that tastes good. Things always get messed up when I cook at their house--spices go awry; I try new recipes that fail; things burn. There are people in at least four states and two countries who would tell you I've cooked the best food they've ever had, but my parents always seem to get the bruschetta that went wrong, the stuffing I decided to fill with garlic cloves, or the risotto to which I added tumeric instead of saffron. Someday I'd like to cook a meal for them that goes just right. I'd like it to be like the dinner party I had in August, with the melon soups and the squash lasagne.

So...what do you write in a blog? I guess I don't really know, since I've been doing it wrong all this time. Oh well. I'll try harder.

Gardener Village Encounter

2006-10-12T13:50:00.000-07:00

Last weekend patrick and I went to Gardener Village, a great place for an afternoon stroll among crafty country shops. He met up with some old friends and I almost got jealous until he bought me a beautiful skirt and took my picture with this fake flower! Here he is with his old girlfriends.

Breakfast

2006-10-07T11:53:00.000-07:00

Today I had an interesting Breakfast and I thought, "Other people might like this, too." So, I'm putting it up on my blog.

Almost Apple Pie

I use this "filling" as a sweet pancake or ice cream topping, or I eat it by itself when I need a sweet fix and don't have much in the house but apples...and I always have apples.

1 apple
3/4 cup water
2 Tblsp Splenda
2 tsp lemon juice
1 tsp ground cinnamon
1/4 tsp salt
1/8 tsp ground cloves
1/8 tsp ground nutmeg

Put all this in a little pot and cook it on the stove until the apples are soft and half the liquid has evaporated. Then, in a little bowl or cup, mix together 1 Tblsp white flour and 3 Tblsp water with a fork. When the flour is dissolved in the water, pour it into the apple mixture, still on the stove over medium heat. The apple mixture will instantly get thick. Stir everything up for a few seconds then take it off the stove and let it rest. It is yummy.

Whole Oat Groats
If you don't know about whole oat groats get some. They are great! They have more texture and are not as viscous as oatmeal, have more fiber and more flavor. They make a nice rice-substitute, pilaf-like side dish or they make a delicious hot breakfast cereal, especially good with the apple mixture above. You can get them in the natural section of your supermarket. They are made by "Red Mills."

Dividing the directions on the package to make only one serving does not work. You need to add a lot more water or else it will evaporate off and you will have burned groat briquettes. I suggest this:

Combine 1/4 cup oat groats, 1/4 tsp kosher salt, and 1 1/2 cups water in a very small covered sauce pan over high heat. Bring mixture to a boil and then turn down heat to low. Keep the lid partly off the pan to allow steam to escape; otherwise you will have a gooey, foamy mess on your hands. you will need to let this stuff simmer for about tan hour, so this isn't a dish for those who need breakfast quickly. You can cook it in advance though. Check on the groats periodically to make sure all the water has not evaporated. If it has, add enough to cover the groats and bring it back to a boil. After 50 minutes or thereabouts, either add a little water or let enough boil off so that the groats are not dry, but only have a little water left on them--sort of like wet rice.

Add a little butter or margarine and some Splenda. If you can have sugar, you should add honey because it tastes so good on the groats. If you are like me and shouldn't have honey, use Splenda. I’m sure that very soon we will have honey flavored Splenda. You can already buy Brown Sugar Splenda, but be careful as this mixture actually is part brown sugar. It has the moist molasses texture of brown sugar, so it works in recipes with half the sugar. I believe that one day there will be a molasses flavored Splenda as well so that people who shouldn't have half the sugar will be able to get the molasses flavor without the glucose.

In any case, enjoy it with fruit, cottage cheese or just by itself. Try it with the stewed apples recipe above. It is a great rainy day treat.

Groceries?

2006-10-06T21:39:00.000-07:00

I know something must be changing because today when I dumped my groceries up on the checkout counter I had Smart Balance Omega 3 Peanut Butter Spread, Smart Balance Light Margarine Spread, Dryer's No Sugar Added Fat Free Ice Cream, Dried Apples, and something called Pumpkin Flax Plus Low Fat Granola, and I was actually happy about it all and thinking it would be good.

Times they are a changing.

New Garden

2006-09-24T17:57:00.000-07:00

See this dead grass, weeds and dirt? This is what the whole corner of my front lawn looked like this morning. Even a week of rain didn't help it. So I worked my garden magic on it... and not it looks like this! You can't really tell how bad it looked or how god it looks now. There is English lavendar, little yellow flowers, ornamental grass, phlox , a globe cypress and three purple flowering sage bushes. Stay tuned for my new Japanese flowering cherry tree!

Boyfriend Does Dishes

2006-09-02T18:48:00.000-07:00

Isn't this a beautiful sight? My boyfriend doing the dishes. Yes, friends, he's all that and does dishes, too. Thanks Patrick!

Berries and Creme

2006-08-23T21:52:00.000-07:00

This is a wonderful end to a great meal or meeting or just by itself.

Easy and Classic: Berries and Crème

1. Buy a loaf shaped sponge cake and slice it into one-inch slices.

2. Buy 2 cans of Blackberries in Light Syrup and drain the juice onto six saucers, evenly.

3. Place six slices of sponge cake onto the saucers and let them soak up the syrup while you have dinner or your meeting or whatever.

4. When you are ready to serve dessert, put one cup of heavy whipping cream in your mixer with one eighth of a teaspoon salt and one teaspoon of Splenda (not sugar), then whip until the cream is fluffy and stiff.

5. Put a quarter cup sized dollop of cream on each slice of sponge cake.

6. Spoon a third of a can of berries on top and down one side of each piece of cake.

7. Serve immediately.

A Duo of Melon Soups

2006-08-23T21:24:00.000-07:00

For my last dinner party I made something I've wanted to make for a long time. It is great! I hope you enjoy it!

A Duo of Melon Soups

Melon soup is a summer favorite in Scandinavia. Cool, fresh and a little bit sweet, it is the perfect thing to whet the appetite on a warm summer evening. One of these is good, but both together make for a more interesting medley of flavors. One is sweet and the other savory. Together they make a beautiful presentation.

Honeydew Mint

1 honeydew melon (cut in cubes)

2 Tbs finely chopped mint

2 tsp Splenda

1 tsp lime juice

¾ cup water

Cantaloupe Sage

2 cantaloupe melons (cut in cubes)

1 Tbs finely chopped sage leaves

1 Tbs lemon juice

1/4 tsp kosher or sea salt

1/8 tsp cayenne red pepper

¾ cup water

For each soup put the ingredients in the blender and blend until smooth. Chill. For presentation, use two half cup measuring spoons and simultaneously pour a half cup of each soup into a soup bowl, side by side. The soups are thick enough that they will not mix and you will have an orange half and a green half bowl of soup. Wonderful!

Squash Lasagne

2006-08-23T21:20:00.000-07:00

Squash Lasagna

This recipe may seem complicated, but it is really just a standard lasagna recipe using sliced squash instead of lasagna noodles. You don’t even have to precook them, so it is actually easier than regular lasagna. And it is wheat and gluten free, with very few carbs.

I chose to make it with chicken in order to achieve lighter, summer flavors, but it could be made with ground beef or turkey, or for a vegetarian option, you could use tofu or hydrated TVP.

Ingredients:

1. winter squash (I used banana squash, but any semi-hard squash would do, even pumpkin) or several summer squashes (like zucchini and yellow crookneck) peeled and sliced in thin, long, flat strips

2. 16oz tub of regular ricotta mixed with

2 eggs
½ cup shredded parmesan or hard Italian cheese blend (I used Bel Gioso three cheese blend)
1 tsp chopped fresh garlic or ¼ tsp dried granulated garlic
¼ tsp. salt
½ tsp dried oregano
½ tsp dried Italian herbs
½ tsp dried basil
¼ tsp black pepper

3. 1/3 cup julienned basil leaves (stack them on top of each other, then roll them and slice them into tiny rings that will become tiny strips when you unroll them)

4. 3 boneless, skinless chicken breasts, thawed, diced finely (or 1 lb ground beef or turkey) and sautéed just to cooked with:

1 Tbs olive oil
1 tsp black pepper
½ tsp dried basil
1 tsp chopped fresh garlic or ¼ tsp dried granulated garlic

1 large can diced tomatoes with garlic, basil and oregano (I used Hunts)

8 oz (2 cups) shredded mozzarella cheese

Directions:

Once you have prepared the ingredients, you are almost done! Lightly oil the bottom and sides of a 9x13x2” baking dish. Spread a layer of squash strips on the bottom of the pan. Top these with half of the ricotta mixture. Top that with a 1 Tbs sliced basil leaves. Top that with half of the chicken or other meat. Top that with a thin layer of tomatoes (about a cup). Top that with a thick layer of mozzarella. Repeat the layers one more time. If you are at the top of the pan, stop. If not, add another layer of squash, tomatoes and cheese, then cook.

If you have time, let the lasagna sit for a hour. This will let the water in the squash and ricotta come out. Drain off the water by slightly tipping the dish and letting the water run off. You may need to do this a few times, or you can just skip it and make sure you put a pan in the bottom of the oven to catch any juices that run over the edge.

Bake the lasagna at 350 degrees for an hour at sea level, 375 degrees in Salt Lake.

Let the lasagna cool for at least 10 minutes before serving to allow it to settle. When you cut it, there will be water in the pan, but that is normal. Use a slotted spatula to serve the lasagna so the water stays in the pan.

I topped the lasagna with a flavorful tomato ragout made of fresh tomatoes stewed and reduced with mushrooms, garlic, onion, long pepper, a little wine and lots of Italian herbs. I let the mixture reduce for about two hours. You can just use a little bit of heated canned Italian spiced tomatoes, or a sun dried tomato toppenade, or nothing.

I hope you enjoy this recipe. It sounds complicated, but it really is very easy. Surprise yourself and try it!

Cat's Kahlua Cake

2006-08-02T13:06:00.000-07:00

My cousin Cat makes the richest, most decadent bundt cake in the world. It can be made as a dark chocolate Kahlua Cake or a Venecian Orange Chocolate Cake. Either way, it is awesome. Beware.

1 dark chocolat cake mix
1 sm box vanilla instant pudding mix
4 eggs
2/3 cup oil
1/3 cup Kahlua OR 1/3 cup Triple-sec and grated peel of a large orange
1 pint sour cream
10 ounces chocolate chips (she uses a mixture of bittersweet and semisweet chips)

Put all ingredients except chocolate chips in mixer and beat for 4 minutes. Add chocolate chips and fold.

Transfer batter to a prepared bundt cake pan (that means greased and floured). Bake the cake at sealevel at 350 degrees for 40 minutes, then check to see if toothpick comes out clean. If not, bake 10 more minutes. In Salt Lake, bake 50-60 minutes.

This cake is awesome even without any glaze or frosting. Vanilla bean ice cream is a good complement!

The Foolproof Crepe Recipe

2006-08-02T12:43:00.000-07:00

I've always loved making Crepes. From the time I was a child, Mom let me play with the Bisquick recipe, adding more eggs, more milk, or more water in an effort to create the perfect crepe. I perfected my turning technique, but always felt like the batter was hit or miss. About two years ago I stumbled on the perfect concoction. I wrote it down and it has been foolproof for me ever since. Here it is. It works with whole wheat or regular flour. It works with medium or large eggs. It works with nonfat, lowfat or regular milk. It works with butter, margarine or oil, though butter is a little trickier because it solidifies in the batter and melts as you turn it in the pan. Good luck and good eating with this recipe. I have enjoyed it for two years now!

Fool Proof Crepes

1/2 C flour
1/2 tsp. salt

2/3 C milk
2 eggs
3 Tblsp. oil, melted margarine or melted butter
2 tsp. lemon juice

Whisk all ingredients together until smooth. Heat skillet/s over medium high heat. Melt butter, margarine or spray oil in hot skillet. Heat up the skillet to very hot, then remove from burner and let cool for a couple of minutes. Then return the skillet to the burner and add another spray or swipe of oil, margarine or butter. (This proceedure prepares the pan)

Using a medium ladle, hold the skillet in your left hand while pouring about 2/3 cup batter into the pan while turning it to make sure the batter is evenly spread over the bottom of the pan. Place the pan back on the burner.

Wait until the edges are brown and the top of the crepe looks a little dry. Then use a plastic or silicone spatula to loosen the edges and flip the crepe over. Let it brown a minute or two and then stack on a plate covered with paper towles.

These crepes are great folded and topped with preserves, filled with fruit and covered with syrup, or stuffed with chicken and mushrooms and smothered with gravy. Your choice!

Enjoy.

Big Summer Trip

2006-08-02T12:34:00.000-07:00

My last trip to LA was spectacular! I got to see the Venice Beach boardwalk, which I've never seen before. I went to Laguna Beach for the DuPre family reunion for one glorious day. And on our way back to Salt Lake, Mom and I got upgraded to a suite at the Flamingo! I've attached some photos.

The BBQ

2006-07-13T01:31:00.000-07:00

Here we are at Kristin and Trista's BBQ. We had a great time!

New Camera

2006-07-13T01:12:00.000-07:00

Patrick got a new Nikon D50. We've had a lot of fun taking pictures with it and I have learned just how much more conservative my picture taking is than his more creative sensibility. See if you can tell which is mine:

Before...

2006-07-13T01:09:00.000-07:00

Here it is, the last picture taken of me before Megan got ahold of my bangs...

The Trip, Part II

2006-06-04T22:11:00.000-07:00

After seeing Universal City, Patrick and I went to the real Hollywood! We met Supergirl! We saw Hollywood Blvd. and Mann's Chinese Teater. We were unlucky enough to go on the one day that Microsoft was having a private event at the theater and even the footprints were closed to the public. Luckily we found a place across the street to get our pictures with the theater.

When we got back from Hollywood, we had dinner at El Torito on the Redondo Pier with Lizz and Jeff.

Back home Patrick was mysterious on the stairs after we took advantage of Mom and Dad's jacuzzi.

The next day we went to the beach even though it was quite cold. It was FUN!

The night before Patrick flew home, we had dinner with Mom and Dad at the China Tea House in Torrance.

All in all, it was a GREAT trip!

Poor Neglected Blog

2006-05-30T17:29:00.000-07:00

Well, it has been exactly four weeks since I updated. A record. And a testament to just how busy my life has been this past month. School ended, I got my papers in (two A's and an A-), took a vacation to California, moved all my stuff from storage in CA to UT, entertained my sister and Mother for four days, taught two FlexNet courses the whole time, started the Senior Design course I am working on in Engineering, went to a UOP faculty workshop, converted my conference paper into a presentation for ASEE in June, started working on my novel, and put together the preliminary data for two research projects I'm doing this summer. It's been a difficult haul, and spontantously becoming allergic to my house hasn't helped. Neither has losing my two housemates and looking for new ones. Thank God for the neighbor who mows my lawn and the mom and sister who helped me weed my yard last week or my garden would look as haggard as I feel.

I have been under so much stress the last month, I am surprised I didn't land in the hospital. And that's a good thing because I didn't have time to sign up for summer insurance, so I'm uninsured to boot.

One of the bright lights in my month of unending work has been my boyfirend, Patrick. My fondness of him and my attachment to him has grown exponentially this month. I am so glad my family liked him so much. But how can you not like him? He's great. He always has a smile for me, and always makes me smile. He fits right in with the people who are always there for me and ready to help me: my family. So the trip we took out to California was great.

We spent a couple of days with Cathy and her family in Rancho Mirage. It was like staying at a resort. We watched Fantasia 2000 in the private theater, went swimming in the pool, passed up the jacuzzi for Cranium in the great room, and took a beautiful walk around the neighborhood where I decided we must buy the $1,499,000 house on the block adjacent to theirs. Sadly, we were having so much fun, the camera accidentally satyed in a suitcase all weekend!

When we came back to LA we went to Hollywood. We stopped at the Universal City Walk outside Universal Studios where we looked at video games, played really big guitars and posed in front of the world's most animated Jamba Juice. Here's a picture of us on the red carpet. I'll continue the story of our trip in the next post.

Cheap Chocolate Shots

2006-05-02T09:57:00.000-07:00

Chocoholic Martini

A couple of nights ago I really needed a drink. My last class of this incredibly, ridiculously busy semester had come to an end, and even though I have 50 pages of papers to write, I wanted to celebrate and take a load off.

So Patrick and I moseyed on over to the Utah State Liquor Fishbowl--which I think is a bastion of the third or fourth most discriminatory and unconstitutional regulations in this bizarre state--to get something to take the edge off.

I decided to make chocolate martinis. And what a good decision that was!

I perused the pricey Smirnoff, Absolute and Sky Vanilla Vodkas to mix with the cheap, sweet Crème de Cacao I found. In the end I decided on the really cheap can't-even-remember-the-name plain Russian Vodka to which I thought I would add a drop of the Pure Mexican Vanilla I had purchased on my last trip to TJ. Good Plan.

Here's the drink that really spruced up my night:

1 Shot of Clear Crème de Cocoa
1 Shot of Vodka
1/8 tsp. Pure Mexican Vanilla

(If you like it stronger and less sweet, cut the Crème de Cocoa in half or add 1.5 shots of Vodka)

I've seen these with sugar on the rim or a mixture of sugar and cocoa powder on the rim, or garnished with a chocolate curl. Feel free to embellish, but this drink is great all by itself.

YUM!

Measuring Up

2006-04-29T11:25:00.000-07:00

My flowers are nice, but the Temple's are magnificent.

Spring Sprang

2006-04-29T11:17:00.000-07:00

My backyard...a month ago and today.

Sea Grave 5

2006-04-29T10:57:00.000-07:00

Our island is not far,
isolation in archeplago populations
of sand and family;
and my desire to crawl inside
is not a yearning for separation,
needing everything--
dear notions of tender
boxes comforting us under the sun,
under trees,
under blue-green waves of redemption
on high tides
washing over.

Seder '06

2006-04-18T16:05:00.000-07:00

We had a lot of fun at our Passover Party/Seder. Patrick and I caught some candid and some not so candid shots.

A HOLD

2006-04-17T19:25:00.000-07:00

Continuing my effort to illicitly publish my friend's work, I am hereby making an unauthorized posting of pepperluboff's "A HOLD." Pepper is awesome and this is my favorite poem of hers.

A HOLD

They blob together;
they fuzz into flesh static,
sticky with graviy:
Smack, Smack.
An untrue thing, small and crouched,
crawls in the periphery: vertigo.
The room spins into a fast brown.
The blood and mind are mercurial;
like gloms to like in love.
But sanity is suface tension,
a film that resists air,
and curves willfully,
sucking in its droplets.
I am centrifugal and
centripetal; my fingers, eyes
and urges catch like spurs
on everything that brushes by.
I mark my losses in a ledger,
and try to herd what I can find
back into me.

Sea Grave 4

2006-04-10T22:55:00.000-07:00

In a tension bewteen pulled and willed,
black form ahead,
my body rushes
through kaliedescope green and blue,
yellow fish fin, and coral
heaps of skelton--
bright living on dead piles, just getting by.
Reef receeds to sand ascending;
I long for shore,
for the living above,
light treading on pasts, unremembered.
The box washes up and me,
all amazed.

Turbo-Tax

2006-04-10T22:45:00.000-07:00

I am agitated, but am sure that I should really be happy about my recent tax-paying experience. The whole venture only cost me $200 and four hours. And yet. I thought Turbo-Tax would make my filing quicker. It didn't. I spent more time on my taxes and paid more (in addition to what was taken out of my check) this year than I ever have before. TT did help me find a lot of deductions I didn't know I could take, and it did help me create a priced-out list of things I donated to DI, which was a big help. And yet. FOUR HOURS and $200? I know, I know, you probably spent ten hours and $800. And yet. Well, at least I taped Days of Our Lives and The Apprentice, so I have something to watch while I cool down :-)

I'm done with my taxes! And that's a good feeling. With five days to spare!

Whole Wheat Goodness

2006-04-01T10:45:00.000-08:00

This morning is a sort of dingy spring, brightened by a ring of fancy daffodils I planted last October around the base of my dormant apple tree, of which I have a framed view from my bed. I call it dormant as a more pleasant way of saying dead because it is not entirely dead. In fact, this year there are three living branches emerging from the dormant trunk and crown of nearly black wood and bark. Circled by huge canary flowers, it looks like spring, though rain clouds darken these not-so-early hours.

Last night I made whole wheat bread with Patrick, while I was learning to play pinochle. That's 100% whole wheat bread--a nod to my new whole-grains-acceptable, low-calorie diet (following my 28-day no-grains, no-sugars, no nothing-that-has-more-than-a-few-carbohydrates initiation). It could have turned out a lump of brick, but it is wonderful. I am enjoying a slice with a non-fat, sugar-free vanilla latte I made with Laura's housewarming gift--the espresso machine that has kept me awake through these 20 hour days of teaching 6, taking 3. And Chester is climbing around my desk, chewing pens and complaining, as usual. All in all, it’s looking like a great day. Only three sets of papers to grade, a lecture to create, three books to read, a response piece and a paper to write. By tomorrow night. :-) Better get cracking.

Actually Good 100% Whole Wheat Bread:

1 Package Active Dry Yeast
1 Cup Hottish Water (like 115 degrees)
1/2 Tsp Sugar
1 Egg
2 Tbs Canola Oil
1 3/4 Tsp Kosher Salt
1 Tbs Dried Rosemary
4-5 Cups Whole Wheat Flour
2 Tbs Melted Butter
1 Tsp Garlic Salt
1 Tsp Dried Rosemary
1 Egg, Beaten

1. You can do most of this in your mixer if you want. You just follow the next step using the mixer instead of a fork, and mix with the paddle, then switch to the dough hook before adding the last 3 cups of flour. You will knead with the dough hook for 3-4 minutes before covering with the plastic wrap. Or you can get your hands dirty, which usually is why I make bread.

2. In a big bowl mix the yeast and water together with your fingers until all the little bits are dissolved. Add the sugar, egg, oil, kosher salt and Tbs of rosemary (remember to grind the dried rosemary leaves in your fingers as you sprinkle it into the bowl to break it and release some of the oils). Mix all this up with a fork until it is blended. Add 2 cups of flour and mix with the fork. Add one more cup of flour and squeeze the dough together with your hands until it forms a ball.

3. Turn the dough out onto a floured board or other bog, flat surface. Push down on the bottom portion of the ball, and then push it toward the top of the ball, holding it still with your other hand. Some people like to make a kind of folding motion, pulling the bottom portion of the ball down and folding it into the top portion, pushing down quite hard as you do so. Slightly turning the ball counter-clockwise after each push keeps the whole thing more regular. Sprinkle flour in small portions over the ball and onto the work surface until the dough is no longer wet as you knead it. Do this for about 10 minutes. The dough will become more elastic and will start to take on the feeling of flesh, very dense.

4. When you have a nice, smooth ball of dense, elastic dough, put it back in the bowl and cover it with a piece of plastic wrap that you have sprayed with oil (like Pam) so it will not stick to the dough when it rises. Put the bowl into your oven, which you have warmed up a little, but which is now turned OFF. Let it rise there for about an hour.

5. Turn the dough back out onto the board. It should have doubled in size, but will quickly deflate on the board. Knead it for a couple of minutes and then shape it how you like. I like to push it into a rectangle and then roll it, turning under the ends and then stuffing it into my oil-sprayed loaf pan. You can also twist two ropes into a twist or make a braid, or just make a ball with a cross-cut on top. You should place the loaf on or into the pan you will cook it in/on. If you are not using a loaf pan, a cookie sheet will do fine. Re-cover the loaf with the oiled plastic wrap, and put it back in the oven for about an hour.

6. Before you bake the bread, brush it with the melted butter and sprinkle the top with a mixture of 1 tsp rosemary and 1 tsp garlic salt. Bake the bread at 375 for 35 minutes. Take it out of the oven and brush it with the beaten egg. (You will only use a little bit of the egg. I fried the rest of mine!) Put the loaf back in the oven for 10-15 minutes, until it sounds slightly hollow when you tap it and the top is glossy and a little hard.

7. Let the bread cool in/on the pan for five minutes, then use a bread knife to gently pull it away from the pan sides. Turn it out onto a board and let it cool for another 10 minutes before slicing. Yummy!!!

Sea Grave 3

2006-04-01T09:59:00.000-08:00

I dove down to see sand
fall from fault ledge
and the black box
break free
caught in current
and finding light.
I go limp in its pull,
and follow.

Trust

2006-04-01T09:50:00.000-08:00

blushes of petal light
bloom protective
underneath,
guard down to
standing on one foot
head between wings, nestled,
darting
I wonder, a weasel

If I show you my hidden
hiding
will you see--
can you see wihtout citing?

Sea Grave 2

2006-02-23T14:04:00.000-08:00

So much
Darting in air
And earth
Sometimes I’m pricked by false aim

So many
Enter in
Without notice
Leave
Without having been present

Some days pass without air
Without coming up
Submerged in
Do this and do that
Under dark water

Birds sing
Where blue goes
The clouds lost

While seconds spent
At Sea Grave
Sink and stay
In this splash of forgetting

The 30 Layer Cake

2006-02-15T10:48:00.000-08:00

It was a night to remember. Kirsten's birthday, drinks all around, and a 30 layer Darkest Chocolate Crepe Cake, made from the recipe in MS Living's Cake Issue .

It was fun to make--over three hours in the kitchen, not to mention many hours of cooling and setting time--and I even used an easier version of the filling!

In the end I need to say that although it was universally loved, the texture was intriguing and the flavors were extremely good together, I think the easy toasted pecan cream cake I made for L-Word actually was more pleasurable to eat--and it took a quarter of the time to make.

I do have one tip for those adventurous culinary artists out there who want to try this beauty:
1) Make sure you have nuts in the filling becuase they keep the whole thing from slipping around.
2) The cake is much easier to cut and handle if you freeze it, but you need to make sure that the pieces come as close to room temperature as possible before they are eaten, as the flavors diminish when very cold. I was able to cut it at refrigerator temperature, but it was difficult. But it was really good.

--Jennifer.

My Boyfriend

2006-02-06T23:08:00.000-08:00

When I got back to Utah after Winter Break, My boyfriend Patrick and I went to a housewarming party. This is us. (I really posted this so that my family in LA could see us together :-)

Sea Grave

2006-02-04T20:08:00.000-08:00

Once I swam by deep
grave in shallow sea
of kelp leaves swaying and
barracuda darting past
under the roll of waves
I was peaceful only
occasional white foam plunged
to the sandy bench on
I watched the box for all
its signs of burried treasure
and untold mysteries, under the
seeping green light of day.
I know I will return to it.

French Onion Soup

2006-02-04T19:55:00.000-08:00

Ok, just to prove I don't always like the recipes I write, last week I made chocolate crepes that weren't that good. But the French Onion Soup I made was awesome...and extremely easy.

1 Sweet Yellow Onion
2 Tbs Pure Olive Oil or Canola Oil
1 Cup Dry Sherry
1 Tsp Ground Black Pepper
1 12 oz Can Low Fat Beef Broth
2 Small Slices of Toasted Whole Wheat Sourdough Bread
2 Slices Reduced Fat Swiss Cheese

1) Peel onion and cut in half. Lay the onion flat side down and slice thinly, perpendicular to the grain. Place half-onion rings in a large sauce pan with oil and saute over medium heat for 10 minutes. Add sherry and pepper and let onions cook for 20 minutes over low heat, stirring occasionally.

2) Add the broth to the pan and cover. Bring to a boil then turn down the heat to low and let simmer for 30 minutes or until the broth has reduced by half.

3) Pour soup into ceramic bowls with narrow openings if you have them. Top the bowls with a slice of toasted bread and a slice of Swiss cheese. Put the bowl in the microwave for 30 seconds or just until the cheese on top has melted.

Enjoy a hot bowl of French Onion Soup! Makes 2 bowls. Double recipe for 4-5 servings.

A Really Easy & Good Cake

2006-01-23T20:04:00.000-08:00

So last night I went to my weekly L Word extravaganza, and I was assigned to bring dessert. Now, I may be a good cook, but a baker I am not. However, I have been itching to use my new Kitchen Aid Mixer!!!! So I came up with this easy-but-looks-really-hard-and-tastes-really-good cake recipe:

Coconut Pecan Cream Cake

1 White Cake Mix (I used Duncan Hines)
3 Egg Whites
2 Tbs Oil (I used Canola)
1 Cup Half'n'Half (yes, this is the "cream" part)
1/3 Cup Water
1 1/3 Cup Pecan Halves (Raw)
1 1/4 Cup Angel Flake Coconut (you know, the sweetened kind--I never said this was a healthy recipe)
1 Container Coconut-Pecan Frosting (I used Betty Crocker)
1 Container Cream Cheese Frosting (I used Duncan Hines)

Directions:
1. Prepare two, non-stick 8 inch square or round cake pans (I think square looks fancier for some reason) with shortening and flour (this means rub shortening around on all the inside surfaces of the pan and then toss a little flour in and shake it around and turn the pan sideways until all the surfaces are coated with the flour--you can use oil for this, but shortening works the best for making sure your cake soesn't stick). Preheat the oven to 325.

2. In a heavy skillet over MEDIUM heat, toast the pecans by stirring them around over the heat. You will know they are done when they a)smell great and b)start turning a darker brown. Empty the skillet onto a cutting board and chop up all but 1/3 cup of the nuts.

3. In your mixer, mix up the cake mix, egg whites, oil, cream, and water. Beat on medium speed for 2 minutes and then add the chopped pecans and 1 cup of coconut and mix them in.

4. Pour half the batter into one pan and the other half in the other so that you will have two cakes the same size. Then put them in the oven for 40 minutes.

5. When cakes are cooked, let them cool on a rack, bottom side down for 30 minutes.

6. When cakes are fully cooled, use a long bread knife or long, thin boning knife to cut each cake in half horizontally (so you will have four layers).

7. Put the top side of most irregular cake down on your cake plate, cut side down. Frost just the top of the cake with 1/3 of the cocnut pecan frosting (you can even leave about 1/4 inch around the edge unfrosted.

8. Now place the bottom layer of that cake on top of the first layer (cut side down) and frost it with the second third of the cocnut pecan frosting. Place the bottom side of the second cake on top of the frosted cake, cut side down, and frost with the last of the cocnut pecan frosting.

9. Place the top layer of the second cake on top of the frosted layers, cut side down. Frost the top and sides of the entire cake with the cream cheese frosting.

10. On top of the cake, outline a four inch square with a little wal of coconut. In the middle place the whole toasted pecans.

You're Done! It sounds like a lot of instructions, but really, once you have made this or even just read the whole thing, you will see that the actual time spent in the kitchen is minimal. I watched the last quarter of the AFC championship game while I made it. It's a good watching TV and cooking at the same time cake :-)

Easy Broccoli-Cheese Soup

2006-01-15T14:56:00.000-08:00

This recipe is so good and so easy, I thought I'd share it. I had it yesterday. This serves two. If you want to serve four or five, double the recipe but only use one bullion cube. You can check for saltiness at the end. If it needs salt, just add some.

Creamy Broccoli-Cheddar Soup

1 Cup Chopped Broccoli (Just chop the top off a crown)
1 Cup water
1 Chicken Bullion Cube
1 Tsp Ground Back Pepper

2 Tbs White Flour
1/4 Cup Water
1 Cup Milk (You choose the fat content)

3/4 Cup Shredded Sharp Cheddar Cheese (you can use reduced-fat cheese and skim milk for a lean version of this soup and it still tastes great)

1. Put the broccoli, water, bullion cube and pepper in a sauce pan over medium heat. Cover, bring to a boil and let simmer for five minutes or until the broccoli is soft enought to break up with a fork.

2. Mix the water and flour in a little cup or bowl until there are no lumps and then add with the milk to the soup pan.

3. Bring the soup to a boil while stirring to keep the flour from clumping or sticking to the bottom of the pan. Add the cheese. When soup is hot and thick, serve!

This soup keeps quite nicely. You can make it in advance and just heat it in the microwave when you want to eat it. You can use frozen broccoli, but it doesn't save almost any time and the flavor will be much dimminished.

Butternut Squash Soup

2006-01-13T12:48:00.000-08:00

So many people have asked me for this recipe that I figured I should put it online. Beware, it takes a long time to make the first couple of times, but then it starts to get easier. It can be made with Pumpkin instead of Butternut Squash if you so desire. Be sure to roast the squash seeds with butter and seasoned salt for a great topper if you have the time. If you don't have time, see the EASY version at the end.

Jenn's Roasted Butternut Squash Soup

Main Ingredients:
1 Butternut Squash (medium sized)
1/4 cup Melted Butter, Margarine or Vegetable Oil
2 cans Chicken or Vegetable Broth (12 oz.)
1 Sweet Yellow Onion
2 tbls Butter, Margarine or Vegetable Oil

1 cup Water
1/3 cup White Sugar
3 tsp Ground Cinnamon
2 tsp Ground White Pepper
1 tsp Black Pepper
1 tsp Salt
1/2 tsp Ground Nutmeg
1/4 tsp Ground Clove

Finishing Ingredients:
1 cup Half 'n Half, Milk, Soy Milk, or Water (use soy or water only if preparing a vegan version as it will not taste quite the same)
2 tbls White Flour
1/4 cup Cold Water

1) Cut the squash in four pieces, brush with melted butter, place on baking sheet, put in 375 degree oven for 2 hours. Let squash cool in oven, covered with foil, or in a bow, covered with plastic wrap.

2) Remove squash meat from skin with a spoon or your hands. The squash should be mushy and come off the skin easily.

3) Finely chop the onion and add to a medium skillet with butter, margarine or oil. Toss to coat and then let simmer on medium heat for about 15 minutes, until the sugar in the onions begins to turn brown and caramelize.

4) Put the onion and squash in a blender with one can of broth. Blend until smooth.

5) Put the onion and squash puree in a soup pan over medium heat, add remaining broth, water, sugar and spices. Cook until boiling. Be careful. If soup is very thick, add a cup more water. If it is too thick it will jump out of the pan in big globs when it boils and it can cause bad burns on your forearms.

6) Add the milk, cream or soy to the soup. verify the flavors. If it tastes a little flat, add more sugar a tablespoon at a time until it tastes right. If you like it more spicy, add a little more white pepper and cinnamon. Note that white pepper takes several minutes to develop, so you will not taste it right after you add it.

7) If your soup is thin and you would like it to be thicker, mix the flour and cold water in a little bowl and add it to the soup. Bring the soup to a boil while stirring and it will be thicker.

You're Done!!

And Now...the EASY version:

Skip instructions 1, 2, and 4. Use 4 cups of defrosted Pureed Yellow Squash Meat for squash puree.

This version will take much less time and the taste comes close to the original soup. Distinguished palates will know the difference, but for the average meal, the short version is actually worth the time it takes to make, while longer original version is only practical for special occasions. The short version will have little chunks of onion in it, so be sure to make them very fine.

Sweet Potato Pancakes

2005-12-31T18:26:00.000-08:00

I was getting ready to make breakfast yesterday, thinking, "What can I do with these left over Christmas sweet potatoes?" And I thought maybe I'd try making sweet potato pancakes! Then I thought, wouldn't it be great if I could make the pancakes taste like my favorite candied yam recipe? So I came up with this. It was so good I thought I'd write it down. I made it with ingredients we had in the fridge and pantry:

1 1/2 C Mashed yams/red-skinned sweet poataoes (canned or microwaved)
2 1/2 Tbsp Brown sugar
1/3 C Sweetened Coconut
1/4 C Coarsely chopped walnuts or pecans

1 C Bisquick or low fat Bisquick (I used low fat because that's what we had)
1/2 tsp Baking powder
2 Eggs
3/4 C Milk
1/4 C Eggnog
1 Tbsp Canola oil
1 tsp Vanilla

Just mix everything up in a bowl and make sort of thin, smallish pancakes as you usually would.

If you have left over candied yams, just drain them, mash up 2 C, and use the other ingredients starting at "Bisquick."

These were really good with maple syrup and applewood smoked sausages.

Retablo del Mundo Animales

2005-12-04T09:24:00.000-08:00

Here is a letter and story I submitted as a false document in my Graduate Narrative Theory Seminar:

Dear Karen and Narrative Theory Class,

I'm sorry I can't be in class tonight. I have decided to stay in LA with my family for an extra week because they are having a hard time. My youngest brother, Amerigo, told us on Thursday that his reserve unit has been called back to Iraq, so he will be deployed to Fallujah (for the third time) at the end of this week. My mother is not taking the news very well and I hope to be able to help her cope for at least another week.

I'm sorry this means I will not be able to present my false document in class tonight. I actually didn't have time to finish my project, which was going to be a false government report from the 911 commission uncovering a previously unknown impetus for Bush's campaign in Iraq.

I did, however, come across a children's story while I was here (in LA) that I thought I would transcribe for you. The story depicts a dog explaining to his family a vision he had, and the action he believes his family should take in consequence. I think the story is a good example of a type of false document because the dog never actually had the vision he uses to motivate his family, and also because it's supposed to be a children's story, but I think it's more like a simulation of a children's story.

I really wish I could show you the book. The pictures are done in a Mexican folk art, retablo style, sort of like the paintings you (Karen) have on your dining room wall (in which odd perspectives and childlike drawings depict saints and holy personages appearing to men and women in need). The book is done in a unique style of retablo, however, called Retablo del Mundo Animáles, which depicts animals having the kind of spiritual visions that humans are depicted as having in the classic retablo style. It is a sort of retablo adapted for children's stories that originated in New Mexico near the turn of the (20th) century. Most scholars believe the Catholic retablo style incorporated the animals originally in order to engulf the prominent coyote and serpent stories popular among non-Christian natives of the area. Over the years, it became commercialized and began to incorporate more recognizable urban animals like dogs and lizards.

I have typed the translated text of the story below for you to read in class. Again, I'm sorry I can't be there, and I'm also really sorry I didn't finish my own creative project. I'll do better with the graphic stuff next time, I promise.

Sincerely, Jennifer Large.

(My asides are in parentheses.) (It's not a very good translation, sorry!)
The Faithful Inspire The Great Dog General

Jorge was the father of a great family of clever, liberated dogs.
The story of their escape from the mean (closest word I could think of) family that had kept them was legendary throughout all the known world.

Although the great dog family had been blessed by God with many different kinds of food in their spacious den, there was one kind of food they had gotten used to eating of which they didn't have much. It had been announced by St. Elizabeth (patron saint of bakers) that that this particular type of food was a gift from God, created especially for Jorge's family in order to sustain their virtuous attempts to liberate other dog families.

The shortage of this special food made the great father dog, Jorge, a little bit desperate.
St. Jude (patron saint of desperate and lost causes) appeared to Jorge and told him that he should assemble a meeting of his dog brothers in order to discuss the situation and come up with ideas about how best to obtain more of the special food.

At the meeting, the brothers discussed the fact that a band of wild dogs that lived far, far away had a large store of the special food. The old brothers all tried to think of how they could get it from the wild dogs. They decided that they would send Jorge's youngest son to get the food. He was strong and would be able to get some of it away from the wild dogs, who were not as clever as Jorge's son. In order to motivate the son, who was very loyal to the Holy Virgin, they decided that they would tell him about a vision they had during the meeting.

Now, everyone knew about the evil lizard that had bitten Jorge's oldest son and killed him a couple of years earlier. So, in the vision that Jorge narrated to his youngest son, he said that the Holy Virgin had come to them, and that she had appeared standing on a rock floating over the head of the lizard, who was being protected by the wild dogs, who were eating the special food. Jorge and his brothers told Jorge's son that he would be doing a great and righteous thing, inspired by the Holy Mother herself, if he brought them (the wild dogs) the great liberating word of God/Justice, which would cure their wildness, making them grateful to Jorge's family to whom they would then want to hand over both the lizard and the special food.

So Jorge's son went to the wild land. He adequately subdued the wild dogs, though he never did find the lizard. He found, however, that in order to ensure his family's access to the special food, he would need to stay there to administer it.

In order to make this easier for his family, he decided to tell them that he had had a vision as well. He told them that St. Gerome (patron saint of myths) had appeared to him and told him he needed to sacrifice his life by staying in the wild land for the good of his family in order to bring them food and in order to bring greater peace to the wild dogs (whose wildness had, surprisingly, been more organized than originally believed, as Jorge's son had thought it might be).

This revelation made Jorge's wife very sad, as she was not only missing her son, but afraid for his life as well. As she kneeled before the altar of Our Lady of Sorrow, she prayed for her son. Suddenly, Our Lady appeared above her head, producing a bitch from the heavens. She said to Jorge's wife, "I can not change the plans of men, but I can ease your grief by giving you a daughter. May she always remind you of the love your Holy Mother has for you and the compassion she harbors in her sacred heart for your suffering."

(What I believe are the last few pages of this book have been ripped out. I'm not sure exactly how the story ends, but I thought this was enough to provide some discussion for class—sorry!)

Mythologies: Three Conversations

2005-11-22T14:59:00.000-08:00

New Mythologies: Three Conversations
What He's Really Like
What We Really Know
Who We Really Are

What He’s Really Like
__
So tell me what this guy’s like.
__

Her Sister laughed on the other end of the phone.
__

Well, he’s an ENTP.
__

An ENTP? But you’re an ENFJ! Don’t you think that might cause some problems?
__

No one is perfect. I guess I thought I might just as well deal with a P as try to figure out an I.
__

Hey…don’t be getting down on I’s. They like intimacy, you know. And I know you really want that in a man. I mean, it might be a little harder for them at parties, but they will really care about you.
__

He will really care about me. I really like him.
__

Oh, come on. You're just letting that charismatic EN thing get to you.
__

Hmm…, maybe a little. Sometimes when he goes off on these self-assured tangents about what

he knows I think, I am really fascinated.
__

Just don’t start thinking that what he says is really what you think.
__

Hey, I might be an F, but I am a J, too. I have a lot more control than you know.
__

Just because you like things to be arranged in a scheduled and orderly fashion doesn’t mean you can overcome your NF tendencies to change your mind based on the people around you.
__

Like you?
__

Hey, at least you know I have your best interest at heart. And you know that as an INFJ I’m not likely to lie to you.
__

Are you saying he’s a liar now, too?
__

No! I think you need to be careful that’s all. I’d really like to see you with another NF instead of an NT. I mean, what kind of a person has intuition but relies more on their logic than on their feelings? They might as well just post a sign that says “close minded”!
__

He’s totally not closed minded…but he does think that if something can’t be proven it’s probably not true.
__

See what I mean? You are really spiritual. You need an NF. And what about that P? Have you thought about that?
__

I try not to. It gets a little annoying.
__

Yeah, like he’s always late? And he doesn’t ever want to make plans with you?
…we do end up spending a lot of time just hanging out at his house.
__

You see? You can’t argue with this stuff. You really need to get away from him.
__

But I really do like him. His Eness makes him really fun. He makes all my friends laugh and they all like him.
__

But he’s got to be YOUR boyfriend! Not theirs. Plus, how do you know he’s not spending time with them on the side?
__

I don’t think he would do that.
__

Why? Because your N tells you he won’t, or because you just believe him when he says where he’s been?
__

I believe him.
__

You are such an NF. You want to believe everyone is what they say they are. You’ll be sorry if you stay with this guy.
__

You really think so?
__

Yeah.
__

Oh.
__

__
What We Really Know
__
Did you hear about Bush’s speech last night?
__

Her father stood on the other side of the kitchen.
__

Yes. I listened to it on my way home from the Valley yesterday.
__

What did you think? The papers are all over him!
__

I know. The liberal press is really misrepresenting what he said.
__

You really think so? I mean, saying that we're not using torture but refusing to get behind a bill that says that the CIA can’t use torture seems like double speak to me, Dad.
__

That’s because you’ve been brainwashed by the liberal university. You’re trained to think a certain way. It’s not entirely your fault, but that’s the problem. You’re trained to think that anything a conservative does has to have bad motives.
__

That’s not true. Any rational person can listen to Bush and know he’s using rhetoric to make it sound like he’s just doing the work of ending terrorism but he really means that he’s doing the work of annexing the middle east for the US’s needs.
__

Oh yeah, and he’s not fighting terrorism either, right?
__

Oh, I think he’s fighting terrorism alright, it’s just the terrorism that he defines as terrorism, which seems to be anyone with a lot of oil, a developing nuclear program and anti-US sentiment.
__

There you go again. These people are plotting to destroy our country and you want to defend them. Bush is out there helping our troops make a dent in terror and you want us to lay down and say OK terrorists, just come right in and kill us.
__

That’s ridiculous, Dad! I want us to stop killing people and forcing our systems on radically different cultures, and bring our military home so they’ll stop getting killed by suicide missions.
__

And just leave those people over there at the will of the mercenary army that will kill its own people for a little money?
__

I don’t think it’s any of our business what they do with their government.
__

Well, it’s a good thing FDR didn’t feel that way. We might be living in a Nazi state right now if he did.
__

Sometimes I think that we might as well be. Look at the manipulation and lies of this administration. They dumb down the issues so much that the common person can’t have any way of knowing if they are lying or not…because their dumbed down version is a lie! Things aren’t as easy as, “we’re doing work to stop the terrorists and we need to be able to do that.”
So you really think that we need a bill that says that our CIA won’t torture people even though we aren’t torturing them?
__

I think we don’t know what our secret prison camps have going on! I don’t see why a law that says that we won’t torture people would have any effect at all unless we really are torturing people.
__

It’s the principle. There are already international laws about the treatment of prisoners.
__

Yeah, but our camps are secret. If no one even knows where the camps are, how can anyone know that people aren’t getting tortured?
__

Because the laws say we won’t torture people.
__

But how do we know that what we think of as torture is what the people at those prison camps think of as torture?
__

Because the treaties say what can and can’t be done.
__

But keeping prisoners in the dark with bags over their heads, or only giving them food that their religion won’t allow them to eat, or making them touch each other in immodest ways, or beating them, that’s not torture? You think that’s OK?
__

Yeah.
__

Wow.
__

Let’s not talk about this anymore.
__

Yeah.
__

Who We Really Are
__
I don't mean to hurt you.
__

He stood behind her in the bedroom.
__

Why won't you just make me happy?
__

I do make you happy, and you know it. That's why we're having this conversation.
__

I need more.
__

No you don't. You have everything. You're just not seeing it.
__

I don't have everything. You won't marry me.
__

You don't need me to marry you. You have me.
__

I want to marry you. I want you to be my husband.
__

What would you have if I married you that you don't have now?
__

I would have the husband I have always thought I would have. I would be legit. I would have what my friends have. I could look my grandmother in the eye and say, yes, I'm married.
__

But what would all that change? We're still the same people. Living the same way. I don't think it really has anything to do with me at all.
__

Of course it has to do with you. You're the one I want to be my husband
__

I don't want to be a husband. I just want to be me, and I love being with you. Why can't that be enough for you?
__

It's not just me that makes up how I feel. I have parents and sisters and a grandmother. I have friends and colleagues. I want them to see how we are committed to each other. They don't see that now.
__

Well, they will when we've been together for ten years.
__

I don't want to wait ten years. Plus, I want my father to walk me down the isle and my family to see us make a commitment in front of everyone.
__

So what you really want is a show, and other people's approval.
__

That's not how I see it. It's not a show. It's me telling the whole world that I will promise to love you forever and you telling me that too.
__

But I do love you and I am committed to being with you forever, why does this need to be a public spectacle?
__

It's not a spectacle. It's a ceremony.
__

Whatever. It won't change the way we feel about each other. Besides, everyone knows that most marriages these days end in divorce. For all you know getting married might be what breaks us up.
__

But it will change the way other people feel about us.
__

Why does that matter to you so much?
__

It just does. And it'll also will change the way I feel about me, about my life.
__

What are you talking about? I'm not going to do anything differently than I have been doing for three years.
__

I know, but I'll feel different. Don't you see? I can't see you, I can't touch you, or feel you near me without imagining you being my husband. It's just too ingrained. I know it won't change the way our lives work out, but it will fulfill the picture I've always had of my life. I feel sort of empty without it.
__

That just doesn't make sense! You aren't empty, and you won't be any more full if we get a contract that says we have a legal union—and it probably won't even be like the picture in your head, anyway.
__

I think it will!
__

Why do you need to feel al this approval so much? That's what this really comes down to. You don't need me to marry you, it might as well be someone else—it's like you just need a husband, like an object or a gift or something. You want me to say, OK, I'll be your thing.
__

No, It's not like that. I don't want to possess you.
__

Exactly. The problem here isn't that you don't have me, it's that you don't have this thing that your grandmother thinks you should have!
__

It's more that!
__

No, it really isn't!
__

Stop it!
__

Stop what?
__

Stop making me feel so petty! Look, This is real for me. I'm tied to this need, and I can't get rid of it.
__

I don't understand. You aren't tied to anything.
__

Yes, I am, you just aren't seeing it. If I get a rope and physically tie myself up will you try harder to get it?
__

You're crazy. You aren't tied up.
__

Wait…..here, now I'm tied to this bedpost. Look. My wrist is tied. The knot is tight, just like I feel. Here…tie this one up, too.
__

No! What are you doing?
__

Just do it! Tie me up! That's what you're doing anyway!
__

Alright…here…now both your arms are tied up.
__

Good! Now you can see exactly how I feel. How I've felt for the last two years!
__

You've been feeling like this for two years?
__

Yes!
__

But you never even mentioned it until last week!
__

Well, I thought it was too soon, and I thought you'd change your mind.
__

Change my mind about getting married? But you never even said that you wanted to get married.
__

Of course not! You're the man. You're supposed to ask me. Now I'm afraid you never will and it makes my world feel cold.
__

But you know I love you and I'm not going to leave you.
__

Then marry me.
__

…I don't want to do this.
__

Then just tie yourself to the post, too, because you are really in a bind as well. You want to not marry me and I want to be married and you want to be with me. So just tie yourself right up here next to me and then you will look like yourself, too.
__

I can only get one hand done. The other can't tie itself.
__

Yeah.
__

There, now I'm tied here too.
__

Good. Don't leave.
__

I wasn't going to.
__

Stay with me.
__

I don't want to be tied up.
__

You are anyway.
__

Yeah.
__

Yeah.

Nathan Hawke

2005-11-22T13:57:00.000-08:00

It's not just the fact that Nathan Hawke is a brilliant poet or that his wife is a glorious person, or that he is a beautiful, soft but well spoken man, or that he either really cares or does the best impression of caring I have ever seen a man do that makes me want to post some of his poetry. It's that his poetry moves me. I love the way he never types his name on his poetry. He always signs it with a pen--like he puts part of himself on the page. I believe he will one day be famous. If I'm ever rich and he's not famous yet, I'll just publish a book of his poetry.

I can't find the piece of his I wanted to post, so I'll just post parts of two other pieces I have gotten a hold of. I should point out that these are unauthorized and I could probably be sued for posting these. Maybe when they are published I will have a problem. Note that the underscores below should be spaces but this HTML converter doesn't seem to understand spaces--also I had to add a line break after "include:" in "Deerfield (5)." Enjoy.

From "Deerfield (5)" by Nathan Hawke

Uses for quack grass include:

diuretic for 'gravel' (kidney stones); worm expellent;

wash for______swollen limbs, etc. Spaces of still water

along the bank are mucky-brown, littered___with brown stones a few feet across

and smoothed, brown glass from a broken beer bottle.

Half clamshell shine up, gold______under surface. Psalm 63: I sing___in the

shadow of your wings.

From "Six Variations for Glen Gould" by Nathan Hawke

_____But let's not--

_____Traces of the original tenderness sould, or do--or my reading

or yours--well up inder hte imitation. In my reading you remember the asphalt

curves down into shadows--street in--at--front of the market, the man who

walks out of his house--across the tight yeard at--towards--the car with

all three collar buttons buttoned; sparrow's sparrow-flight wrapping

through fence spokes. You slow down, raise patterns in grass all

the way home until--reaching for the door--start

_____pounding again, but let off as I step inside glitering

_____in the dissonance.

My Photos

2005-11-15T20:02:00.000-08:00

From March

2005-11-15T19:51:00.000-08:00

From March

3-8-5

Grand Canyon

A condor circling spotted me
trail thinned to guesswork
red rock and weed
glancing up, canyon edge wavers
holes funnel sunlight
and water
millions of years and tunnels so smooth

my hand running over
concave earth
striations
in curved caverns
so hallo inside

the call of a hawk cawed far
space to hunt
a snake under boulder
and purple bud withering in
heat

animalian, stone cold
and water walking downstream
away from here
measures the weight on my back
and the ground I will sleep on
with
in.
3-11-5

Every detail of dinner was perfect
Lemon complemented heat
Crabmeat cooled oniony sweetness
A flute of champagne
Belgian endive with figs
Candles and flames
Four friends and new moon

And I couldn't help noticing the hole
Gaping in our evening
Amorphous, subtle
I'm not sure they felt it but I think they did
We were incomplete

Missing that final spice
Fullness without food
The longing life pulls on its strings
Dragging behind
Racing ahead
Never here, now.

We looked into each other's eyes
As mirrors
Pushing in and pulling out
Our mouths empty
Stomachs full

The candles waned and I wanted more
Of nothing that had been
There
But of what lingers in that darkness
Between courses
Between us
Between these moments
We live.
3-14-05

The barrage of
this and that
of to do and to get
in bundles and tasks
here and there

I cover points on the map
great Z's and X's
marking my spots
at furious speeds

it's only in my car
the space of the lines
take shape
the seconds between here and there
fill with me
with life
and you

I think
this is it.
I could die now,
nowhere on the map
above the relief
and keep going

Sometimes it seems
the only stillness comes
when I'm moving,
when here is nowhere
and there hasn't come yet.

It's then I'm most alive—
when you are alive
to me
so much more than when we are
here
when we touch with words
on bodies

I know you best in my car
suspended somewhere
between
3-9-5

Today smelled like Spring
Of sun and wood
And wet bark

Today sounded of whistles
And breezes
Of growing and
Green

I trod the impenetrable silence between people
I trod the crumbling causeway
I looked into faces looking in
Looking back
Looking on
Themselves without notice

I opened my palm for a beetle bug to crawl
With all its legs and eyes,
Seeing, smelling, feeling me.

So much more human
So much more knowing than
multitudes of inward eyed faces
Looking away

Into a still winter day
The sun shone,
sparsely seen.

3-12-05

I see red
and snowflakes and memory falling
city lights
burning
creased-skin touches
hands and trees
blackening before red skies
blanketing eternity this moment,
again.

and people
the pavement feet
worn down around
one living thing
one song

earth drenched in us
the movers
time takers
feeling here
one eternity

once
we walk under its wings.

A Gulf Between

2005-11-15T19:21:00.000-08:00

A Gulf Between

I.

It was six days after your death
I opened the drawer,
wept in dirty cloth I'd meant to clean—
dug there in you and memories of
Saturday afternoons
Shreds of fall leaves clinging,
Raking the heaps
And all around

dug down to dark wood
your ebony bed
Buried in sand so far
As I see the black of your eyes and oil wells
On fire, blackening my sky and
My skin with your soot
So sandy and gray

And I harbor a secret shame—
a need to slam your drawer
and land under that banner, "mission accomplished,"
to move on from the steel I know still moors
in my familiar bay
In sand so sticky
Like the soot
Stuck to me, unwashable
--unendable

I await the seventh day
In a mourning my mother doesn't know,
And grandmothers do—
The morning eclipse,
a darkness promising rest
And rain.

A Gulf Between

II.

It was six months after your death I hiked Mauna Loa
And they told me not to go

Not to bring the pick I'd carried since the ticking stopped
Waiting after waiting, to see you again
And they told me not to dig up there
In smoke and sky, for fear of misplaced generals
In rocky holes

Their uniforms buried deep
Where I ploughed to find you
Through Lethen waters gone hard
Deep past oasis leaves, unfound,
Frozen mid-bloom
I was a rookie going farther than I should
Farther

Until the blue sea filled my trench
and its waters of forgetting washed me clean

A Gulf Between

III.

It was six weeks after your death
I arrived in Calcutta, needing
a place where death was not new
And water was not clean,
Where my dirt matched theirs
Falling apart under white veils
And a wimple to cover me up—
those parts that poked
and pinched their way
back to you, and the guns,
straying out to evening air
where no eyes followed
and I knew you in the black
of desert nights,
a white dwarf gone dark.

My Photo

2005-11-15T18:58:00.000-08:00

Decentered Doctrine

Chasms

Catie's First Birthday!

Refrigerator Attack

So Much, So Big!

more video

Catie wears a hat

Gaining Weight!

Almost a Smile!

More Video of Catie

More Video of Catie

Short Video of Catie

Catherine Elizabeth Seagrave

Catching Up

To Brie or Not to Brie...Part 2

Living on The Edge

To Brie or Not to Brie...Part 1

Sake, Oregon Style

Pole Dancing?

Londsberry Family Values

12-12-07

Holiday Sweet Potato Salad

Morning Madness

Admonishment

Gardener Village Encounter

Breakfast

Groceries?

New Garden

Boyfriend Does Dishes

Berries and Creme

A Duo of Melon Soups

Squash Lasagne

Cat's Kahlua Cake

The Foolproof Crepe Recipe

Big Summer Trip

The BBQ

New Camera

Before...

The Trip, Part II

Poor Neglected Blog

Cheap Chocolate Shots

Measuring Up

Spring Sprang

Sea Grave 5

Seder '06

A HOLD

Sea Grave 4

Turbo-Tax

Whole Wheat Goodness

Sea Grave 3

Trust

Sea Grave 2

The 30 Layer Cake

My Boyfriend

Sea Grave

French Onion Soup

A Really Easy & Good Cake

Easy Broccoli-Cheese Soup

Butternut Squash Soup

Sweet Potato Pancakes

Retablo del Mundo Animales

Mythologies: Three Conversations

Nathan Hawke

My Photos

From March

A Gulf Between

My Photo